NEW USES FOR OLD VERBS
SIGN THE BILL: “slalom through his signature” —Gary Shteyngart, Our Country Friends
GET A SMOKE: “liberated a Galoise” —Gary Shteyngart, Our Country Friends
DRIVE AT NIGHT: “car beams rummaged through disheveled grass” —Gary Shteyngart, Our Country Friends
PLAY WITH SOUP: “bothering the meniscus of her borscht” —Kate Riley, Miriam
TRY TO CRACK UP YOUR FRIEND: “She hunted Rayanne’s laugh.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
KILL TIME: “Miriam destroyed Sunday afternoons.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
BE CURIOUS: “Miriam wanted to stab him with questions.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
BE WELL-RECOMMENDED: “garlanded with encomiums” —Rachel Cusk, A Life’s Work
SPEAK: “Go!” ejaculated Miss Ingram, and the man went.” —Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre
DRIZZLE: “a courteous rain neatly garnishes the roof” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
CONVERSATION STARTERS FOR PEOPLE WITH NOTHING TO LOSE
“A bad dancer is bothered by his balls.” —Gary Shteyngart, Our Country Friends
“Two knives is just about the right amount of knives.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“Could it be true that one has to experience in order to understand?” —Rachel Cusk, A Life’s Work
“Hungarian dancers are among man’s inescapable destinies.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“A lot of fairly conservative people (and the inflation has made a lot of people fairly conservative) speak continually of Communism; but I’m going all out for some form of sun worship.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“No woman is as beautiful as a hill.” —Cesare Pavese, The Beautiful Summer

SWEET/BITTER
“For the rest of his life he could being every sentence with “Regrettably,” and never tell a lie.” —Lorrie Moore, I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home
“In that sweet mood where pleasant thoughts / bring sad thoughts to the mind” —William Wordsworth, Favorite Poems
“The truth, when it finally hits you, sounds a lot like a slot machine hitting the jackpot.” —Ling Ma, Bliss Montage
SPARKY EUPHEMISMS
A ROMANTIC INTEREST YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT: “a help on an off-Sunday” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
ANOTHER’S GIRL’S LACE, WHICH IS BETTER THAN YOURS: “enviable transparencies” —Edith Wharton, Summer
A WOMAN’S BATHROOM WHILE SHE’S GETTING READY: “scene of inhospitable splendor” —Edith Wharton, Summer
PENIS AND TESTICLES: “menagerie of bobbing animals” —Gary Shteyngart, Our Country Friends
WINTER: “snow-time” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
GREEN: “lousy with adolescence” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
FRECKLES: “among the smallest shrapnel” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
APATHETIC: “situated at an emotional outpost” —Patrick DeWitt, The Librarianist
STUPID: “unburdened by intelligence” —Patrick DeWitt, The Librarianist
VIABLE EPITAPHS
“That amused me inordinately” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“I managed to be philosophical (most of the time).” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“Champagne brained, ocean haired” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
“She dwelt among the untrodden ways” —William Wordsworth, Favorite Poems
“Generally at times she did not think of anything, but lay immersed in an inarticulate well-being.” —Edith Wharton, Summer
“I thought I was very courteous—Chesterfieldian—but I must have seemed a little sarcastic.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“the gay, breathless feeling of tobogganing” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
ON NATURE
“The sky now had the low dark fat of withheld snow.” —Lorrie Moore, I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home
“Lots of good-natured sunshine everywhere” —Louise Glück, Winter Recipes from the Collective
“Cool days succeed one another crescendo, like states of mind in convalescence after fever.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“Snow frowns back into the ground. / Crocuses occur from nothing and miracle out” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
“A democracy / of clouds formed, / a storm / was decided.” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
“Today is one of those overcast mornings when everything smells of drains.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“A cloud shaped like a cloud…” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“The little June wind, frisking down the street” —Edith Wharton, Summer
ON LOVE
“It’s the language the seashell itself hears” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
(ON FALLING IN LOVE) “a kingdom coming into focus from the lens of a telescope” —Patrick DeWitt, The Librarianist
“I wanted to fuck, marry, and kill you all at once.” —Chelsea Harlan, Bright Shade
“And I had found someone to whom I could talk, after years when I had just made conversation.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“…he was so obviously sane.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
INSIGHT & ADVICE
“She had said… that the only solution for anger at one’s husband was to bake him a pie. Miriam understood: daily acts of love were the best way to express anger.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
“You must find your footing / before you put your weight on it.” —Louise Glück, Winter Recipes from the Collective
“Some people can have a great many lovers and take airplanes and trains from state to state and country to country and still remain cowards and children. Other people remain in one town and remain faithful to one wife and grow into mature and convincing men.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“…Nietzsche, who says you should distrust any thoughts you’ve had indoors.” —Bronze Age Pervert, Bronze Age Mindset
“Never eat a heavily sugared doughnut before you go on TV.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“The only use for advice is to put it in your pocket and save until, if ever, you feel like taking it.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
HAHA
“One of the cooks mumbled a prayer ending with the exclamation: “For Christ’s sake!” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“All my life I’ve wanted to be dignified. I never thought of it until five minutes ago, though.” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“She’s very beautiful but she only has one eye. But she’s very beautiful.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“Lily had said she had never had the girls’ locker room gene and thought it deprived her of feminine verbal projects.” —Lorrie Moore, I Am Homeless If This Is Not My Home
“Good mourning.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
POTPOURRI/EXCERPTS I LIKE JUST BECAUSE™️
“ostensibly a portrait of a dog” —Louise Glück, Winter Recipes from the Collective
“When a complement of cumulatively handsome teenage hockey players passed, Miriam turned her whole body toward the expo, where she observed an elegant lady eating a candy bar.” —Kate Riley, Miriam
“She boards a station wagon every morning with a good deal of forced poise.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“indifferent chow mein” —Ursula Parrott, Ex-Wife
“hoary with doughnut sugar” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever
“Here—go get yourself a Sunday bonnet that’ll make all the other girls mad,” he said. —Edith Wharton, Summer
“I read it in your eye; it is not of that description which promised the maintenance of an even tenor in life.” —Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre
“There is, of course, a seashell collection, more ambitious than most.” —John Cheever, The Letters of John Cheever